The Vetting Blueprint: How to assess if she is right for a long term relationship.

It took me years to lose my ego enough to actually get real with my own shit, to admit to myself the type of relationships I was attracting into my life. I then spent years working with men in my practice and online communities who had absolute horror stories with their baby mamas. From men being blindsided by cheating and women leaving, to women taking their kids to the other side of the world, to women accusing their husbands of committing pedophilia on their own children. Or women whose only absolution was doing their best to take their husband's money and cutting them out of the equation. I feel like I have seen and heard it all, but most likely not.

Men need to know what they're getting themselves into before getting into deeper relationships. It's all fun and games in the beginning while the chemistry and passion are high, but eventually, we all know it fades whether it's 10-12 months down the road or even longer. In other writing, I discuss how to keep the passion high or growing, but in this one, it's about taking the necessary measures not to fuck yourself over. Sometimes it isn't just about something intense and horrifying; it could also be a totally different set of values or a life trajectory. Intermeshing too early can ultimately cause much more difficulty down the road. Or, intermeshing with a woman whose emotional instability requires more attention from her man, therefore taking away from his capability to work on his mission and purpose, or even on his finances. Here are some real tips that you can use so you don't fuck yourself over and can attract a woman who will add to your life, not take away from it.

• Unfortunately, 70% of women admit to having a back-up plan, and almost all will say it's an ex or a friend of theirs.

• The divorce rate is high, with women initiating 70% of them.

• 70% of inmates are from fatherless homes.

  A woman's innate desire to ensure she is picking the best possible choice for her and her offspring is hardwired into her, and is not something men should be angry or afraid of, but rather aware of.

Women experience major depressive disorders and anxiety at a much higher rate than men. That's not an accusation; it's a fact from the American Psychiatric Association. And it means that understanding a woman's emotional and psychological makeup is one of the most crucial skills you can develop.

It's a lesson I learned the hard way. It's why I use a framework, with the help of research done by psychotherapist Shawn T. Smith, to vet a partner. This framework is not based on looks or initial charm, but on the skills that actually build a lasting, high-functioning partnership.

The Bright Triad: The Traits That Truly Matter

We've all heard about the so-called "dark triad." But what about the bright triad? Shawn T. Smith outlines three core features every woman should display, and they have nothing to do with attraction.

• Clarity: She doesn't waste time arguing about who's right. Instead, she goes to the source of the issue, like a true adult.

• Reliability: She expresses herself constructively, avoiding passive-aggressiveness, tantrums, and covert aggression.

• Inquisitiveness: She has the curiosity to understand what's going on, putting aside her need to be correct to focus on solutions.

But this is just the start. You must also watch for these five non-negotiable emotional skills. These are the qualities that turn conflict into collaboration and help a relationship survive life's inevitable chaos.

• Emotional Maturity: Can she calm herself down when she's upset without blaming you? Does she accept responsibility for her own life? Mature women accept that life is a shade of gray, not a pattern of "idealization and vilification."

• Insight: When a problem arises, does she get lost in the "rabbit hole distraction" of arguing over silly things, or can she be insightful enough to focus on the real issue? Insightful partners are more curious about what happened than they are about being correct.

• Resilience: Life is full of setbacks. A resilient woman can handle these gracefully. A woman who lacks this will have you busy dealing with her emotional shit instead of focusing on your mission. She won't siphon away your energy with minor emotional distress but will instead be a strong partner who helps you tackle problems together.

• Internalization: When things go wrong, is she quick to blame everyone else, or can she internalize her own role in the situation? The woman who is always a victim will one day label you as the enemy.

• Self-Maintenance: Pay attention to how she treats herself. Does she binge eat, binge drink, or neglect herself physically and emotionally? How she takes care of herself shows you how she'll take care of the relationship.

The Bottom Line: Take Your Time

These qualities make it easy to resolve arguments and build a life together. You should expect nothing less. This is precisely why you need to wait the right amount of time—six to twelve months—before becoming exclusive, and most definitely longer than that before deciding to intermesh your lives by living together or sharing bank accounts. This gives you the chance to go through enough experiences with her to see these qualities in action.

A Final, Non-Negotiable Tip

Always gauge and observe her interest level as it goes up and down. Gauge it on a scale of 1-10. Most men think women are more interested in them than they really are; keep that in mind.

This framework is the foundation of everything I've learned. If you're ready to go deeper and take control of your relationship journey, you have a few options:

• Click here for the book

• Book a free 20-minute clarity call (one-time use only; acceptance based on availability)

• Click here to schedule a full 1-on-1 consultation

For more information on this check out my book The Mantidote or get in touch for a 1 on 1 consultation.